I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
