Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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