Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
