Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
