Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Randomize
