You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
