You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I need to calm my uterus...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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