I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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