I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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