God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
