saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
