oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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