you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
