just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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