just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
