the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
