you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
