i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Congratulations! We have a period
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