ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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