you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
