our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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