I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
