Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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