finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize