Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
