Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
