I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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