Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
