New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize