I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize