Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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