i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
