What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
