I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
