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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
