Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
