A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
