she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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