Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
