Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
