1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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