don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
