My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
