My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
