This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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