Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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