Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
