my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
