my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
