i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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