she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Come share oat with me in your robe
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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