she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
