she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize