i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize