So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
