I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i already hear my dad disowning me
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Randomize
