Taylor Swift is so right about you.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
