erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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