Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
