I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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