Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
