fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
