I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
