I want to stick my p in your. b.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
