In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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