I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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