1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
