Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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