This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
