never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
