I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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