hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
