i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Sorry my hands just texted you
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
