you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Green mimosas i think yes
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
