Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
