I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
