from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
