I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
