wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
