She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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