I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
